With Trump on the way out, Doug Ford looking for new political buffoon to make him look better

TORONTO – United States President Donald Trump may have lost the presidential election, but it is Ontario Premier Doug Ford who is feeling the pressure. Ford is now on the lookout for another politician who is crass, ignorant, and an all-around terrible person to compare himself with in order to look better. Ford, whose main selling point to Ontario voters was “I’m not Donald Trump”, is hoping to have a replacement confirmed before Jan. 20, 2021.

“When I heard the news about Trump, I was obviously pretty upset,” said Ford from his daily press conference at Queen’s Park. “I mean, without him, who am I going to point to and say, ‘At least I’m not that guy!’ whenever my critics start complaining? Seriously, I am asking you. Who should I point to? Is the Tiger King guy running for office again?”

Political analysts agree that Ford is in desperate need of another “buffoon buffer” to keep his popularity up amongst Ontarians. Although Ford may be popular now, it is only a matter of time before people remember who he is- Doug Ford.

“Ford has about as much appeal as a spoiled bologna sandwich,” said Jeannie Edwards, a senior advisor with the Ontario Progressive Conservative party. “But when compared to an all you can eat garbage buffet, the spoiled bologna sandwich starts to look pretty tasty. The problem is that the buffet is being shut down, and soon there will just be the sandwich. We need to find our next garbage buffet.”

So far the Ford team has not announced any potential candidates to take over Trump’s role, but inside sources have said that the short list of prospects include Bowser, Lord Voldemort, and Mitch McConnell.

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